Verdict: Pale WAS the New Tan.

Comrades..I'm a little upset. Disappointed, baffled.. call it what you will. And no this post doesn't pertain to check-luggage fees or minimum stay requirements newly imposed by United. I wholeheartedly despise United (and US Airways for that matter), why make them the topic of a post? Good.. let's move on.

I don't profess to be a health expert, infact, my ideal diet consists of a limited assemblage of food including Starbucks drinks, one variety of seafood (dear tuna I love thee--please never become extinct errrr over-fished), mass quantities of granola and Luna bars (180 calories of... amazing). 

But enough about my diet. This post is more specifically about vitamins.. those annoying things dietitians, health professionals and boxes of General Mills cereal make sure you know about. First of all, I don't like that I can't see them. It's like Splenda.. I know there are cancerous particles floating around in it's chloro-carbon composition.. BUT I CANT SEE IT.. and it still tastes great in tea, scratch that, on everything. Or Smart water... you can pay an extra 20 cents for electrolyte-spiked H20 and yet YOU CANT SEE ELECTROLYTES. What the heck does an electrolyte look like? Perhaps I'll Google that one later, but as a side note I do hope scientists are not avid travelers in the regard that they are not reading this blog, or post, and thinking to themselves.. "Retard on wheels, you can't touch an ion like an electrolyte." Regardless, I want to see them. I want to know my extra 20 cents is as meaningful as an extra hundred dollars to upgrade from coach to business class. I can see an extra foot of legroom, I want to (by golly) see electrolytes. It is almost enough to make one switch to some bland bottled beverage like Dasani before saying wait... where the HAY does that water come from? Myself, I have an ingrained image in my head of a couple of guys filling bottles of Dasani from a stream.. a stream that people urinate it. It's disturbing; I buy Fiji. 

Vitamins.. ahh yes. Well, like many of you comrades, I have over the last few months built an impressive collection of sunscreens. SPF's ranging from 15 to 45, everything from sprays to lotions, brands like Aveeno to Banana Boat. I was a specimen of pale skin. My father remarked.. what are you Irish? The truck driver who hauled my car cross-country pulled up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo-latent arm to say, "Hey, I'm in a truck all day and I'm more tan than you." Perfect. 

I was made to believe by health reports, magazines, anti-aging serums and Vogue itself that sun-exposure would lead to melanoma, skin cancer and premature aging. Comrades... I was tricked. Perhaps not but I felt like an aristocrat whose pale skin was equal to success, something that (in a few years) would be coveted by those tan colleagues of mine who didn't care enough to listen. Now.. I am a serf. I am pale and most recently, I have a lot of catching-up to do. In a study (and subsequent press releases) published by the Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) their conclusive research determined that deficiencies in Vitamin D (most commonly acquired from sun exposure) lead to an increased risk of death. Read the full release here: click me :) or else. 

Not only am I NOT tan, but I am on my death bed. Well.. not quite. What I do know is that it looks like I'll be at the pool ten-times as much as before. Floating, soaking in sun, getting tan and hey, living longer! 

Say adieu to your SPF 45 and hit the pool (unless you live somewhere cold, at which case, I suggest you move). 

Lots of love, 

your soon to be bronze blogger.